bittybaking:

petals42:

Okay, this is probably not what you were expecting (honestly, I wasn’t either) but this is what popped into my head:

Accidental Mage Eric R. Bittle

You see, Mages in the modern world are very rare and very powerful and usually all born into a few select families, that peculiarly all start with the letter N, end with the letter L, and have a Q somewhere in the middle. Obviously, Bitty does not belong to this family but because magic has always been known to do what it wants, Bitty ends up with Magic anyway.

It was just that no one knew it. No one even knew to look for it. 

Growing up, Eric R. Bittle was so busy hiding things – namely,, the disgust he felt whenever he saw a human being in camo and his attraction to the male figure – that he didn’t manage to notice all the downright strange things that happened around him rather frequently. The fact that if he were in a really sad mood, it would always rain. The fact that he could sometimes turn off the lights in his room by blinking his eyes. The fact that one time, he wished hard enough for his pie to be done baking right this second and it was.

And so, Eric R. Bittle failed to realize that he was, in fact, a Mage.

But, Petals! you say. What the fuck does this have to do with a bunny??

And to that I say:

ACCIDENTAL MAGES CREATE ACCIDENTAL FAMILIARS.

If asked, Eric R. Bittle would say that he acquired Senor Bunny as a baby present from his mother. If Suzanne Bittle were asked, she would say that it is one of the few baby toys Coach Bittle brought home. If you were to take this information to the football coach in question, he would look quite confused and say that he thought Suzanne received it as a Baby Shower gift.

The truth of the matter is this: At approximately 7 months, Senor Bunny popped into existence and into Bitty’s crib. Because before Mages have the power to summon living familiars, they unthinkingly create stuffed familiars. 

Were Bitty born into a Mage-family, this would be an immediate sign that he inherited the gift of magic and trained accordingly. As it is, he was not. And so this act of spontaneous creation went completely unnoticed. 

First and foremost, familiars are beings of protection. They guard their Mages from magical danger and keep watch for dragons, evil spirits, and other nasty things- such as legos left on the floor and cough syrup. A newly formed familiar such as Senor Bun cannot protect against human things, but Bitty has never stubbed his toe in his room and has never had to sharpen a pencil. Also, for all the things that Senor Bun cannot help with, he can at least listen. Which some would say is actually the most important function of a familiar. 

So Bitty grew up with Senor Bunny and felt an attachment and never questioned why Senor Bunny did not seem to get gross and/or ratty with age.

He also did not question how Senor Bunny got to Samwell, when Bitty was quite certain he had made the decision to grow up and leave his stuffed rabbit behind (especially when he was going to be living in a dorm). Instead, Bitty unpacked him, smiling fondly thinking of his Mother packing Senor Bunny up good at safe and continued with his day.

Now, Bitty has Jack. And, more importantly, Jack has his own apartment. His own apartment that must also be kept safe. And so, even though he still has no idea of his own powers, Bitty created a familiar for that apartment as well.

If asked, Jack would say that Bitty brought the bunny as a welcome present. Bitty thinks that Jack bought it to make it clear the kitchen is his.

Neither think to question it.

In fact, no one ever questions it. When Lardo finds a painting of a bunny in Shitty’s apartment (that she will later move into), she just assumes that it was a present from Bitty. Shitty assumes it is a present from her. When Ransom and Holster find bunny salt and pepper shakers in their new apartment, they also assume gift from Bitty (even though Bitty has not yet been to their apartment, did not help them pack, and does not actually know their address. Ransom and Holster are not very bright.) When Bitty moves out, Chowder cries when he sees the rabbit tablecloth on the kitchen table and in the next four years it stays at The Haus (it disappears when Tango and Whiskey graduate), no one once wonders how it stays perfectly clean and never gets lost, even during a SMH kegster.

Of course, when Bitty turns 25 and he wakes up with a live bunny on his face, he will question that.

But that’s a different story.

i am so here for this