– Deadpool is insecure
– Deadpool has chronic pain
– Deadpool is submissive in bed – Deadpool is pansexual – Deadpool lifts up his mask so Hawkeye can read his lips
– Deadpool is a blonde
– Deadpool’s initials are WWW
– Deadpool had an abusive father
– Deadpool’s mother died from cancer
– Deadpool fell in love with a teenager
– Deadpool left her because he didn’t want to hurt her
– Deadpool had a daughter
– Deadpool didn’t believe she was his because she was too beautiful
– Deadpool had to be dragged away from his daughter’s dead body by Cap and Wolverine
– Deadpool carries Hello Kitty band aids
– Deadpool is good with kids
– Deadpool can’t be killed by Ghost Rider because he doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong
– Deadpool hates himself
– Deadpool used to curl up in a ball and mumble about his skin hurting
– Deadpool is married to the queen of the undead
– Deadpool reads his own comics
Conclusion:
Wade Winston Wilson is a beautiful man who must be protected.
Let’s not forget:
– Deadpool knows sign language – Deadpool took a bullet for Hawkeye because Clint can’t regenerate but he can – Deadpool has tried to kill himself numerous times before – Deadpool turned his back on DEATH ITSELF to help his fellow inmates escape The Farm – Deadpool spent months trying to save Cable – Deadpool was in turn saved by Cable numerous times – Seriously, freaking Jesus-messiah-complex Cable saw something in Deadpool worth saving – Deadpool is a beautiful, wonderfully complex character that I will fight to protect
– Deadpool and Cable refer to the end of their friendship as “our divorce” – Deadpool bought diapers for Hope – Deadpool has a dog
– Deadpool didn’t become like his dad
– Deadpool is a good person
– Deadpool spends all his money on ammo and pain meds
– Deadpool is broke 75% of the time
– Deadpool tells kids that he’s Spider-Man
– Deadpool refused to look at Spider-Man’s face when he swapped costumes with him because “bros don’t out bros” – Deadpool did work in the Spider-Man suit, but REFUSED TO KILL while wearing the Spider-Man suit because Peter wouldn’t have killed and he didn’t want Peter’s rep to be linked to murder.
Also
– Deadpool is just freaking amazing
THIS. THIS IS WHY I LOVE HIM.
Uuhh important things forgotten:
-Deadpool was purposefully created to be a pansexual/bisexual hero way back in the 70s/80s
-Deadpool regularly wears clothing traditionally made for women
-Deadpool dressed in Ms. Marvel’s black swimsuit super suit one time for fun
-Deadpool’s canonical biggest fantasy is rubbing sun tan lotion on Cable’s back at the beach
I want someone to write a book where Mermaids are the women thrown off ships when the sailors got afraid because having a woman on the boat is bad luck. And as they sink to the bottom, legs tied together, they change slowly until they can breathe, until they can use their tied up legs to swim. And they drown sailors in revenge, luring them in by singing in their husky voices still stinging from the salt water they breathed.
Concept: Some jackass shows Bucky how to make a blog and it becomes really popular. Not because it’s the blog of James Buchanan Barnes, American Legend, War Hero, Infamous Assassin, Alleged Terrorist. Nobody even knows it’s his blog. It gets really popular because people think it’s a really great shitpost generator or something. Because Bucky is just a Weird Fucking Person and everything he posts on his fucking personal blog comes off as somewhere between dril and Jaden Smith and people are like “this is some quality garbage right here” and thus Accidental Memelord Bucky is born.
Bucky posts things like
“What is wrong with bananas. I ate a banana today and it was Wrong. America why”
“Every time I put on my eye makeup it gets bigger. My whole face is eyeliner now.”
“Why does friendship feel so much like punching”
“When I wake up in the middle of the night I am either thinking ‘who am I? does my life have meaning?’ or “did I already eat all of the plums?’”
“Why are you so grumpy” they ask me. they do not realize this is just my Face.”
“I know i said i would give my left arm for a cup of coffee but i am more awake now and i would like my arm back please”
“I guess I must have done something horrible in a past life. I mean. I definitely did something horrible in this life, so. “
OMG I LOVEEEE
YEEESSSSSSS!
“Guy in front of me won’t move his car seat up. I think that might still be upset about all those times I tried to kill him.”
“Got lectured by a guy who had been complaining about how things were Back In The Day. I don’t understand why he got upset. I too lived through the Great Depression and was drafted for the War.”
“The economy in this century sucks. Who exactly though another Stock Market crash was a good idea?”
“Apparently, it was Rude™ of me to pitch in my two cents on a conversation I happened to overhear, despite agreeing with them. On an unrelated note, I am no longer allowed in the ceiling vents.”
“‘If you don’t behave we’ll send (mutual) after you.’ Jokes on them. I’m the one who trained them to be an assassin in the first place.”
“Tried to buy a Chicken Dinner candy bar at the supermarket today. Turns out they were discontinued 54 years ago. Super bummed.”
“Wait. People were on the moon?! We got into space? There is a way off of this rock?! Why am I only just hearing about this?!”
“’Have you been living under a rock the past 50 years?’ No I was cryogenically frozen for 70. I don’t appreciate your tone young man.”
“My friend likes convincing people that I’m the Reckless one in our friendship. As if he won’t find an alley behind a bar to pick a fight in if I take my eyes off him for two seconds.”
“Why would i want to get a haircut when instead I can look like i just returned from a 12 year jaunt in the wilderness every time i grow a beard”
“was having a hard time finding noodles in the grocery store & asked a clerk for help. she looked at me like a crazy person. lady, it’s not my fault you don’t speak russian”
“what kind of idiot thinks dancers are sissies? literally every ballerina i have ever met could kill an adult man with just her legs”
“today i discovered Conditioner. the future is a miracle and my hair like a cloud now”
“apparently just jumping on to a moving bus when you are running late is not a thing people do anymore. please stop yelling at me.”
“went to a club last night to see what the hip kids were into. apparently the latest thing is just having sex standing up with your clothes on in a room full of people.”
“on the one hand, people dressed much nicer in the 40s. on the other hand, yoga pants.”
“rode in a car with heated seats today. it is my house now. i live here.”
“i have acquired a small bear. i am putting a collar and leash on him. he is my dog. no one tell animal control”
“i am working on this whole Good Guy thing but anyone who cuts me in line at starbucks deserves to have their kneecaps shot out okay”
“why did they have to make escalators so terrifying to get on and off of? from now on I’m just jumping off the mall balconies. none of this awful moving teeth staircase”
“i don’t care if it’s a ‘priceless historical artifact,’ punk, i didn’t wanna do the dishes and it makes a pretty good spaghetti bowl”
“hoodie pockets are so great. i can fit like three sandwiches and a grenade in there and my hands are still warm”
“i really though we would have flying cars by now. the future is such a letdown.”
“changed sam’s ringtone to jesus take the wheel.”
“do you know that feeling when you go to lean on your short friend’s conveniently arm-rest-height shoulder but you forget they had a huge growth spurt and you just awkwardly lean your elbow into the middle of their bicep”
“i swear i didn’t know your girlfriend was coming over. i always ominously clean my assault weapons on the coffee table like that. it had nothing to do with you.”
ealdor 